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Well, I hope some men found themselves some real eggs for Easter.
Cojones - if you know what I mean.
I fucking hate it when people always have to be the center of attraction.
I fucking hate it when people drama about little, meaningless things.
I fucking hate dealing with people like that. They always make you look bad in whatever you do. They always fucking think the only good thing to do is the way how they do it.
I don’t need no shit like that.
Can’t cope with me being different? Then go fuck yourself.
(Sorry for the vulgar language but this is really driving me crazy.)
Amazing Zodiac Facts Here
Well, it turns out to be that my inner alarm was right. It was really to good to be true.
Today, he told me how things wouldn’t work out although he really likes me and enjoyed every moment with me. He is happy, he got to meet me and that I am a great person. Things won’t work out though, his feelings are not the same. Weird, huh?
Now I’m here and feel like crap. I don’t understand why. I realize now that it was wrong of me to let go of my inner control freak. I am now here where I never wanted to be. Just because I made the mistake to let this control freak go.
D’uh! Never again will this happen.
I will rather stay forever alone than feel like crap again. Thank you guys!!
I now seriously think there is something wrong with me. I am always a great person but no more. Oh well, I hope that I will at least die rich - when it’s my destiny to die alone.
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Well, I had the right feeling about it - it definitely was too good to be true.
I have lost even more good faith in men. What is wrong with them anyway?
Oh well, I am done. I should have stuck to my principles and not even care about dating and stuff. It’s just an effin waste of time and piece of crap. I am probably better off on my own.
2014 - men free year. Don’t need no drama.
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So the month is pretty much one month old and yet so much has happened. Very incredible.
As I already mentioned, I didn’t make any resolutions and this has been going really well so far. The only thing I catch myself do is eating much healthier and I really enjoy it. Also, I spend more caution to my appearance and really try to look the best every day. I make this sound very negative right now, but it in fact is not negativ. I just wonder how long I will keep up with this.
My year started off with a real big fight with my best guy friend. Well, the whole situation was stupid - he wrote something and I took it the wrong way and we ended up goading each other. I really like him much and he really likes me much - we have a special relationship. It’s kind of more than friendship but it will never turn out to be more than platonical love. He is basically the little brother I wish my real little brother would be. We can talk about everything and thus, we know pretty much everything about each other. I got so upset about what he wrote because I was scared of losing him wholly. I am normally not the person who tells her feelings - but I am not the person who gets mad easily either. I told him how I felt, about how I am scared of losing him as my best friend aka little brother etc and he didn’t answer for 72 hours. I was really disappointed - I wasn’t hungry anymore (and those who know me, know that I enjoy food very much) and I was sad. He didn’t understand me. So I was getting ready to get back from my holiday to really get mad at him. My other friends, though, were concerned about me because they have never seen me like this. So a mutual friend talked to him and everything made sense to him. He suddenly woke up and understood that I really felt like crap about this. I am really glad that he opened his eyes, his behaviour towards me has even improved and now I am even gladder having him as my best guy friend.
I thought the year would be cursed after this glorious start but things have turned out differently since this.
I might get my chance to prove myself in handball this weekend. I am really nervous and I really hope that I will get back to that shape I had before I had my injury. At work, everything is working well too. I just applied for extension of my contract - so I am set until October.
Shortly ago, I met this guy. We’ve been on two dates so far and they were really nice. He fulfills that image in my head of that guy I want to marry someday. Well, from his looks he is not my type, but looks don’t count as much as what is inside. I am however really attracted to him. For the first time in my life I really have a good feeling about all of this. I really like him. For the first time in my life, I don’t have any second thoughts and I feel really good without a slight bit of exception. Everything seems to fit. For the first time of my life, I really feel sincerely happy when I think about him and what we experienced together. I think I might actually fall for him. For the first time in my life, I am not scared to fall for anybody. Not scared to lose control over my feelings and just let go. People who know me, know that THIS is a big deal for me. I have been single for five years and now I am more ready than ever for something new. For the very first time of my life, I want this. I want something new. I just want to let go of my inner control freak and just let it happen.
I have the feeling he wants it too. We decided on taking things slow, we really like and feel comfortable around each other. We just want to be sure about all this and our feelings. I catch myself thinking about him a lot. For the first time of my life, I am not looking for the catch. I am not looking for reasons not to let go. Reasons not to commit. Nothing of that in my head and I feel really good about it. This is alarming, right? Little MIss Perfect, Little Miss I Really Have To Have Control Over My Feelings Or Else I Will Be Sorry…. has no intention whatsoever to change the good feeling right now. Really alarming!!
Isn’t it funny that all of your life you think you have everything under control and believe you know what you want and the next moment everything changes??
I believe I grew up and became more mature in terms of men and relationships etc. All this time I was walking away from this - men and feelings. For the first time in my life, I am more sure than ever that there is something like fate or destiny and that it now my time to become happy. I am a strong woman and I believe that I can make it through life on my own. I am aware that this is not ideal, but it could have worked. Although I had the feeling every now and then that I just wanted someone by side - that significant other…the next moment I just supressed that feeling and continued. For the first time in my life, I didn’t supress that feeling.
Time will show if this is it. Until then, I will enjoy every moment of this. Time will show if I will be happy in the end. Let’s just wait and see.
I don’t understand guys.
They emphasize the fact that they really really like you but it’s never going to be more than friends. Hello Friendzone…
Ok, you arrange with this fact and think it’s good because a close friendship can have more value than a relationship.
They enthusiastically tell you about girls they like and ask you what to do and if these girls are ok etc. They even ask you, because you know the girl, about things she likes etc.
Then you tell them about how you are going to try out this speeddating certificate you got and how you just want to meet decent men whether at speed dating or not. And suddenly they don’t say anything out of disappointment …which clearly is jealousy.
Jealous??? But why???
What the eff’.
SAGITTARIUS – The Promiscuous One (November 22 to December 21)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.
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So the new year is a week old and I had a lot of thinking to do.
Holiday is nice and all but it makes you think…and don’t you just hate it when your thought evolve the whole time?
2013 was not a spectacular year in terms of big happenings. I had a handball accident and broke my arm. I had a first time in having surgery and being in hospital for two days. That was kind of bad for me as I was so eager for the new handball season as my career was at its zenith past season. And now the whole effort is gone - down the drain. I was really fit and ready for the new team and the new league. After the accident I had to do rehab and still am not there where I used to be. I hope I will get back into old shape and enjoy the success of my past season. Due to this, I had to start over in another team playing in the lowest league - I was unhappy, so I decided to change teams again.
Now, I am back in the team I played 2 years ago. I am glad I did this. The girls in this team are mostly my best friends and the others are really nice. Some of the old team were bitches and didn’t respect me. As well as the coach. My “new” coach is way better. I haven’t worked out in almost six weeks and it is driving me crazy. I feel so depressed sometimes. I think about life and stuff and I feel so sorry about myself. I think this happens due to lack of distraction. I can’t wait to put back on my training outfit and let everything go. Let’s see what the second half of the season brings me. I hope I get the chance to prove myself in the new team. If not, I’ll just workout and wait for a new chance next season.
In terms of love life and job, nothing much has happened in 2013. I had dates here and there but they weren’t all that successful. The men were mostly douches only with the aim getting me into bed. I’m hella sick and tired of this.
I passed all my uni exams and only have the thesis to write before the big M.A. I could be finished right now but I am stalling this because I don’t have a job yet. I don’t want to go to the job center after graduation and make myself “jobless” - it’s humiliating. Further, I would have to pay more health insurance and I would lose my great student job. The loss would be too high. I know, it may make me look lazy and all not finishing my thesis - but I have my reasons. I have a plan for 2014 and I hope it works.
My family is very concerned about me not having a boyfriend. Well, it’s not it’s by choice - I just don’t know why things don’t work out. I am probably to picky and the other problem is that the friendzone is too big with the guys I do know and like a lot. I am always like a sister to them. My friends try to set me up with people but it is always the same. I am always just the friend. Maybe I am too honest or too nice. I have no idea.
Well, I even got a gift certificate for speed dating for my birthday. I really got mad at my friends about it But I know how they mean it and after second thoughts, it is kind of cute. They know me too well so they gave it to another friend of ours, so that we can go together. They know I would never go by myself. Let’s see what this will bring me. I don’t hope for anything. I’m just curious about the men who go there. We will see and you never know…
2013 was also the year of breakups. At least with my peers. I have experienced seven breakups of good friends of mine and they all ended up using me as their agony aunt. So I sort of was part of every one of these breakups. No wonder I don’t have a relationship of my own.
As for the other nameful happenings in 2013, I just have been traveling a lot. I went to Brussels, London, Skiing in Austria, Porto and finally to lovely San Diego. Traveling is all fun and all, but in one moment I am thinking about next destinations and in the next I am thinking that I want to settle down. Settling down is hard at the moment as I do not have anything to settle down for - I hate being at home, I have no boyfriend and I have no job. Sometimes it feels like I am running away from something but then again it is really fun. We will see if I manage to settle down or if I get to see further destinations on my list.
As of resolutions, I haven’t really made any. I would screw it up anyway. I just want to keep up with the workout and be happy with the things I have right now - family, friends and freedom. I want to stay healthy and avoid further injuries. The only thing I wanted to do better in the new year is not to get angry about minor things and I screwed up already. But then again…this “thing” wasn’t that minor at all.
Well, Happy New Year to you all and may 2014 bring you everything you hope for.
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